Green is such a calming color, residing in the space between blue and yellow. As I set out on my 5K, thinking about recent setbacks (see my last blog), green popped up all over the place, in the physical landscape around me as well as the emotional and mental landscape within. Green spoke to me of the desire for resolution for these various setbacks.
By the end of my run, I had identified some things I needed to do to create resolutions where my soul needed them. And ultimately, I needed resolutions within myself. I think I had forgotten that I possess everything I need within me to be able to resolve some difficult things.
A phrase that caught my attention in a Netflix series I’d been watching occurred to me while wrestling with these setbacks. A strong female character (“Kate”, Working Moms) made the observation in the middle of a crisis that no one was coming. No one’s coming. Her meaning was clear, that she was going to have to fix things herself because no one else would. Or could. She was on her own. O that phrase, “no one is coming”, stirred up some things in me. For those of us that have stories with abandonment laced throughout them, this phrase taps into a deep rooted fear. I am alone. There is no help. When I hit a series of setbacks, that is the wallpaper that adorns the background of what seems like a room full of failure.
Going in closer for a second look, I find a deeper truth waiting for me. What if all of these things in front of me were saying something else? If I deeply trust that there is a Divine path carved out in front of me to follow, and no one is coming, doesn’t it stand to reason that no one needs to come? What if I have everything I need already? If I needed someone, I believe God would send me someone. What if my foundational belief changed? Rather than being stuck in a perspective that I have been abandoned because no one is coming, I can say, I know how to tap into my own inner resources to live fully into my own soul gifts.
“It was when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole.” ~ Rupi Kaur